The Life and Times of Me

I feel abandoned. Drawn toward Clara. I don't know where she is, but that doesn't mean it's safe. I'm probably misinterpreting everything. I'm probably being foolish as always. But this and the lack of satisfaction from eating must be getting to me. I need clarity soon. Please.

And there still are people that wonder why I want to spend my life with this guy...


If this isn't made of win, I don't know what else is!

By the way, I don't approve the way Israfel is looking at Alice's chest. YOU FREAKY LESBIAN FROG.

So, I decided to be a pirate and try out the new Mystery Dungeon game (Explorers of Darkness).
I never played the original MD because I don't quite... like the concept behind the games. I mean, I like the idea of Pokémon behind sentient and whatnot, but they have a whole town now, and shops and exploration teams... I keep on having the "Digimon World" feeling from these games. 
ANYWAY, for some reason i decided I couldn't just say "I dislike it" without even playing it. So today I started a new game. First time, I got to be a Charmander, a Pokémon I don't dislike per se, but since I don't really like Charizard, I tried re-taking the test... and obained the same result D: so oh well, let's be a Charmander. My partner is a Treecko I named Demian :3
I totally hoped I could be a Croagunk, then I remembered you can't be one (it's in Ranger 2 that you can keep one as a partner... whoops). So, well, yeah.
Anyway, while the storyline is interesting so far (excluding the whole THIS IS NOT SPARTA POKEMON issue), I find the game itself pretty frustrating, I don't like the gaming system/commands, and the fact you can only choose your main partner at the beginning of the game and then can't change it... ok, I'm getting attached to Demian, but I really wanted to build an entirely different team. NOT TO MENTION I DON'T WANT TO BE A CHARIZARD ;_; if I ever get to evolve, I'll stop at Charmeleon u_u 
If I ever get far enough, I think this will be the first time I'll have legendaries in my team though. Makes more sense in thi game than in the regular RPG. 

Anyway, I don't actually have much time to play in this period, so I don't know how far I'll go, but so far, I wouldn't really BUY the actual thing. 

The board's been down all day so far. Some type of critical error. I bet it totally crashed. It's happened a few times in its history, I guess. It's always so active, I bet a lot of people are going crazy right now... It'll be sad if everything's lost.

I'm still highly triggered. But I'm leaving, so I'll be preoccupied.

Today, I dreamed about Thales!! Another guy told me that he would give me his MSN!!!♥♥♥ I wish it was true.
Then, we went to school!!
And we had a class on the patio, when the class was over, we went to go up to the normal class up there, but then, some of our class' kids, were getting out of the school!! They were fleeing!! Instead of going to the class, I wanted to flee too!! Luiza didn't, but anyway we end up didn't going, we went to the class and I felt like a nerd (Everyone says I am but I'm not), like I do always the right things, always following the rules, etc.
But then, when it was finally the time to go out, I saw him!!♥
I walked right behind him!!!!♥♥♥♥
I saw his hands!! His WONDERFUL hands!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
And it was beautiful!!!!
Okay, I didn't saw his face, but I saw other things! ♥♥♥

I just think that, it's karma, somehow, just for show me that it wasn't true!! I was WRONG!
I think the world loves proving I'm wrong!

Changing the matter, look what a cute pic:

Sokka is the CUTEST thing!!!
And Momo!! Momo is SO PET THAT I ALMOST KILL MY MOMO PLUSH BY CUDDLING HIM!!!!

Days Left

15

Think I'm getting sick. My parents have had a terrible cold/flu thing that starts with a sore throat, which I can already feel the beginnings of. Yaaaay. >

sadsdgfsagsfd OMG
That's an instant 200(ish)K right there. Takes the sting out of losing that 500K to a Trading Post glitch last week...

I'm getting all nervous about Uni and stuff. Is it even going to work? Can I keep myself together without dissolving into a pathetic whining blob? Is it even worth it? Can I handle being all alone? I don't know and I'm having strange dreams about it now. 

But also, I don't really have to worry about that yet, because I got tickets for the QI studio audience!! :D I'M ACTUALLY GONNA GO THIS TIME! Seeing Stephen Fry and Alan Davies LIVE, plus some other people I'll probably like! This is a pretty awesomely lucky day.

----------• × • A L L A B O U T M E • × •--------------

Name: Rapid is good enough
Single or taken: Taken4Life yo
Gender: female
Birthday: November 1st
Sign: Scorpio
Hair color: naturally, it's dark brown
Eye color: brown
Height: 5'1"
Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: like an arrow

-----------• × • F A S H I O N | S T U F F • × •--------------

Where is your favourite place to shop for clothes?: Hot Topic and wherever else I find something that strikes me.
Favorite designer?: Ed Hardy <3
What is your sexiest outfit?: My Birthday suit? XD
What is your most comfortable outfit?: sweatsuits
What do you usually wear?: jeans and some sort of top XD

--------------• × • S P E C I F I C S • × • -------------------

What kind of shampoo do you use?: whatever my mom buys XD
What are you listening to right now: nothing
Who is the last person that called you?: My grandma
How many buddies are online right now?: Dunno, don't have AIM anymore

-------------• × • F A V O R I T E S • × •-----------------

Foods: Burritos, spaghetti, fast food (lol)
Girls names: Kaden, Karana
Boys names: Aiden, Raiden, Corden
Subjects in school: Art, Language, anything easy

----------------• × • H A V E | Y O U | E V E R • × •-------------

Given anyone a bath?: the dog...
Smoked?: No
Bungee jumped?: Want to
Made yourself throw up?: Hellz no! I HATE to throw up!
Skinny dipped?: No
Ever been in love?: Am
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: Never had to make myself cry
Actually seen your crush naked?: This one time, at... Nevermind ;p
Cried when someone died?: Pets, no people yet
Lied: Sure, but I'm no good at it
Fallen for your best friend?: Eww god no. XD
Rejected someone?: By silence, yes
Used someone?: Not intentionally.
Done something you regret?: Too many things to count
------------• × • C U R R E N T • × •---------------

Clothes: Linkin Park shirt and jeans with rhinestone design up the side XD
Music: Not listening to anything
Smell: Can't smell
Desktop picture: The Hyrule Crest in blood
CD in player: iPod
DVD in player: I have no freaking clue
----------------• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •----------------------

You touched: Fiance <3
Hugged: Fiance
You IMed: Lee
You yelled at: Yelling? What is that?
You kissed: Take a guess.

---------------• × • A R E | Y O U • × •---------------------

Understanding: Depends on the other person's opinion
Open-minded: I tend to be easily swayed, so...
Arrogant: Depends on the other person's opinion
Insecure: Of course
Random: When hyper, yes
Hungry: Kinda
Smart: Pshhh
Moody: Probably
Hard working: Yeah but I'm a procrastinator too
Organized: To a degree
Healthy: Define healthy XD
Shy: Dur. :B
Difficult: My inability to make decisions makes me difficult
Bored easily: sometimes, but not usually
Obsessed: always with something it seems
Angry: Rarely, but I never show it
Sad: It's my nature, it seems
Happy: Sometimes. I hope to be happier in the future.
Hyper: Like a burning ball of fire sometimes.
Trusting: Probably too trusting on some levels, and not enough on others.

---------• × • W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A • × •--------

Kill?: I'd probably be lectured for my answer ;p
Slap?: Dunno... my dad?
Get really wasted with?: Don't like alcohol, but Lee would be most fun
Get high with: No thanks
Talk to offline: Fiance
Talk to online: Nyoro~n :3
Sex it up with: ewww

------------------• × • R A N D O M • × •---------------------

In the morning I: usually dread the day ahead
Love is: full of surprises
I dream about: whatever decided to take over my mind ^^
What do you notice first in the gender you're into: Don't really look...

---------------• × • W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R • × ---------------

Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi
Flowers or candy: Candy. I don't like sweets often, but flowers are pointless because I can't smell them
Tall or short: Short liek me XD, though I wish I were taller.


---------------• × • W H O • × • ---------------

Makes you laugh the most: my sister and her friend being perverted XD
Makes you smile: My cat meowing at me for attention <3
Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: Funny how?

--------------• × • D O | Y O U | E V E R • × •-----------------

Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Used to do something like that.
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Used to more than I care now
Wish you were younger: Yes. I'd give anything to relive some of those times.
Cry because someone said something to you?: There's always a reason behind the sadness, you know.

-----------• × • N U M B E R • × •--------------

Of times I have had my heart broken: I don't count crushes and the like anymore.
Of hearts I have broken: Probably one
Of guys I've kissed: technically 2
Of girls I've kissed: none
Of CD's I own: a whole lot
Of scars on my body: eheheh...

This deserves a post here as well as in wow_ladies simply because it's annoying me that much. BLIZZARD WHAT ARE YOU DOING.



The random indentation is really annoying me! If you're going to indent anything make it the first line, not all those after it! Argh!

I dreampt that we were at my dad's store late while he was working, and it was my mom's birthday. Some guy came by and dropped off a package with two brownies and birthday cards outside the door. My mom brought them inside. I knew something was wrong with them; I remembered this happening before or had seen it in a vision or something. I knew that one of them would blow up when touched. XD But for some reason I didn't say anything. My mom ate the first, and it was safe. She told me to eat the second one, which when I reluctantly opened the wrapper on it a little I saw the device. I didn't have time to touch it further before it exploded in a firey blast, to which myself, my mom and sister were present. It ended quickly, though, and our skin was burned but we were still alive. Then my parents and sister left. But I was worried for my mom, because I was afraid that if the guy who brought the brownies found out we were still alive, he'd attack her. After that it was just a suspenseful dream of escape.

It seems I had a lot of sensual dreams last night, like one where I was eating a salty snack and savoring the taste, and one where my ipod heated up and burned my hand. And in the first, of course the fire felt hot. Reminds me of Edgler Vess's world. XD

Well, the exam went well.

I managed to do all of the tasks and actually managed to do it before the time ran out, contrary my term-exam in March where I didn't get to finish the last task before the three hours had gone.

So I felt really cool, especially since I only really struggled with one task which was the third-to-last question. Took me about half an hour before I managed to think of an idea for a solution, and I doubt I got it right but we honestly haven't even learned about that one, so.. yeah. Everything else was about linear, eksponential and potensial functions, statistics and trigonometry, which I can master semi-well. Ish. Kinda.

I didn't even have to use my notes, surprisingly enough o_o

Now to see if I did a grave mistake by that XD

When I finished the last task an hour before time would have run out, I decided to just leave instead of looking through my answers. I had written it all in by pen so if I *did* find a mistake then I had to write it all in again, which I wouldn't be able to do during the final hour. So whatever mistakes I may have done just have to be. I just hope I can get a 10 at least, but we'll see. I think our scores will be published in July on the conference so I just have to check there.

Now all is left are my oral exams. Oh god, my greatest fear and weakness.

Dunno WTH is wrong with my laptop's touchpad's left button. I have to press hard and sometimes several times before it'll react. It's really bothersome. :/

Speaking of bothersome, I think I let myself stress out about this exam too much. Despite being really tired yesterday so I should have great chances of falling asleep, I couldn't because I kept reciting equations in my head because I dreaded I'd forget them. When I finally did fall asleep, I kept waking up several times during the night so I got out of bed when I woke up yet again at 6:35am. Somehow, though, that caused my stomach to act up so I got cramps, which luckily died down in time for the exam but when I got home from the exams the cramps took up from where they left on. A few hours ago the pain got really bad too. Blarg.

I gotta say, my impression of the seniors of the school hasn't been great at all. First the bitchiness on the conference, then the personal attack, yadda yadda, and today at the exam where some seniors also were there for their Maths level A exam, they lacked all sorts of respect.

When the sensors tell you to be quiet because the exam's about to begin, then you shut the fuck up. One would *think* a senior should *know* this by now, but NO! They kept chit-chatting and shit. I and several of my classmates were flabbergasted.

The level A Maths exam is a little different from the exam we had (level C) since they have an hour with NO helping material such as notes, calculators etc. whatsoever, and when the first hour passes the sensors will announce as such so they can take their matieral up from the floor and start the actual exam. This process normally happens queitly, but the seniors actually started chatting there too! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE EXAM, HOLY SHIT

What surprises me is that none were thrown out from that. Honestly, a senior should fucking *know* the procedures, albeit EVERYONE actually should, but most of all the fucking seniors should have it learned into their very bonemarrows, godfuckingdammit.

I may have encountered countless of idiots in Lemvig, particularly when I was at the Business School, but these seniors take the fucking cake and shit all over it. Good god.

Yeah, got another Koontz book. I needed it. I'm so triggered, I need to pull my mind away. You know, despite how frustrating and unquenchable it was, I used to welcome this hyper, aching feeling. But since I realized the best way to deal with it, it is all the more torture now. "Red Fire" is not the same as it used to be. I used to send the frustration elsewhere; or I used to submit to deep fantasy for a while. Now as soon as I go red I want to take it out on myself because I know that it helps me to relax. It seems I am always so triggered nowadays. The red equivalent to spring fever hit me hard this year. I forced it into silence last year, and was very quiet most of the year too. Unlike the year before.

No need to worry. There is a confrontation coming tomorrow. Though I know that it will only trigger me through other emotions.

I don't have much to say, I just wanted to upload my countdown!
It started up with 45 days, now it's with 16!! 30 days already passed out!! It looks like it was yesterday!!!
But I'm so happy the day is coming!!

Days Left

16

I'm hyper. And alone. And very triggered. A long day of resistance lies ahead...

Wheee, got me some Japanese Eeveelution cards today in the mail! :D
Glaceon, Vaporeon, Umbreon and Jolteon.

Glaceon and Umbreon will be duped as I nabbed them since I thought my other order where I also had them included is over a month late, and just as I bought the above set, the seller with this set told me what went wrong, so they'll be on my way too XD

Ah well, I don't mind dupes of Glaceon and Umbreon ;D

---

I only got five hours of sleep last night so when I woke up, the only thing on my mind was "COOFFEEEEEEEE" so I crawled out of bed and prepared me some precious water with beans.

Later I wrote my other entry and prepared for school and left.
When I got to school I realized I forgot to eat breakfast! CRAP D:
So my stomach was all noisy all day which wasn't exactly great during a teacher's preaching where everyone else were quiet. XD;; Oops.

I was to my scheduled tutor-conversation to talk about how I was doing in class and such. From the get-go my tutor wanted to talk about my lack of interest in interaction with my classmates in and out of school - she knew about my past from our last talk, so she could completely understand that I had other priorities and particularly my free time is completely my own, but I need to give more of myself during school. To our Danish- and History/Religion/Politics (ugh, another three-in-one exam) exams next summer we're forced to work in groups so I need to up it so my exam won't fuck up by then. Dang.

My tutor wanted to know a little about how I was doing personally too, and I actually wanted to share a little, but it was like my vocal cord just died on me whenever I tried to say anything on that behalf. Eh, my subconsciousness doesn't want me to open up, I guess. :s

It was funny, though. My tutor had this habit of trailing off and be quiet for a little while which suited me just fine since I have a need to look away and be quiet a little too.
When our talk was over and I joined my class again, my other classmates who have the same tutor as I bitched about the tutor's little habit. They found it annoying, said she was ignorant, stupid and so on because of it and generally just bashed her on and over. Our tutor's also our Chemistry teacher and they adore to bash her about her teaching there too, so I guess this was just another element of bitchiness for them.
It's just agitating because to be honest, her behaviour is a lot like mine. I also avoid eye-contact, though, but otherwise it's basically the same. I have a hard time believing they can respect me if they can't even respect someone who has authority. I told them off, though, saying how we can't all be alike and how that's a good thing. She does her job, and that's all. Any odd quirk shouldn't be held against her, thus I implied it's not like they're a shit better anyway. Whenever you point a finger, there are ALWAYS three pointing right back.

I think my remarks went completely over their heads. Ah well.

Reminds me of a time after Gym class in the girls' dressing room where the girls talked about how arrogant the boys are. Sure, most of them are, but Kenneth and Thomas are the exceptions as I added in on the conversation. Some of the girls disagreed, though, surprising me a bit. They had something against Thomas?
Nope, they disliked Kenneth in certain aspects apparently, which took me completely by surprise. He's the last person I'd expect anyone to have anything against, but his humouristic and not-to-be-taken-for-more-than-mild-arrogance was apparently taken seriously by these girls.

One time, when we had our first tutor-conversation for example, Kenneth came back after his talk and was asked how it went. "Oh, I was just told how good I am. No surprise there".
I just lol'd, but apparently these girls preted his remark as "Well, I'm good, you know you're worse than me, thus whenever I say I'm really good, that means you all really suck!". Or something, I dunno how it could be preted.
Kenneth and I really are good at a lot, but the difference is that I never acknowledge myself whereas Kenneth *does*. I mean come on, it really isn't a surprise that he was told that the teachers find him talented and I think it's good he has a good enough self-insight to acknowledge it. It's not even arrogant, it's more of a humouristic and lighthearted self-honesty.

So of course I defended his honour towards these girls. It really also irked me how the girls claimed he was "weird" just because he doesn't talk much nor that loud. That must mean *I'm* seen as weird too then, except I'm perfectly capable of speaking loudly - when I feel like it X)

Though, it could also mean the girls don't see me the same way, otherwise they'd be more cautious about what they'd say, right? ._.

Ahaha, I honestly don't care what they think of me, I just find it weak that they find it perfectly acceptable to bash another person when someone who fits the same description is present. Then again, since I *do* fit the description I feel more in my right to defend the attacked person who's not present. The girls did end up taking their accusations back, so yay!

NEVER BASH MY RIVAL, YER FOOLS! >(

Speaking of the boy, he remarked how stupid some of the questions asked during Maths were.
Y'see during that class we went through some percentage equations since we have an exam in Maths tomorrow, yet someone in class had a hard time shutting the hell up so we could run through this and be properly prepared. These same people asked the same questions over and over again because they didn't follow the run-through.
Guess who got the duty to explain OVER TEN TIMES when certain equations are to be used?

Yuh-huh, me.

BECAUSE IT'S *SO* HARD TO TELL WHEN TO USE

K = K. * (1 + r)

AND

Kn = K. * (1 + r)^n


EGADS!

I took it lighthearted during it, though, albeit being a bit irritated after the seventh time. I tried to joke around saying how fucked I'd be if *I* didn't understand it after this which had a few lol, so wheee.

But I had to agree with Kenneth about his remark, they really were stupid questions. They wouldn't've been necessary had the people in question just followed from the get-go. Then he remarked "How hard can it be, anyway?" which I normally disagree with. Sure, Maths is easy for him, but some really do struggle with what for us seem like easy tasks. This time, though, I agreed. It really isn't difficult and even the stupidest person would've understood it after the fifth time I was forced to tell about it. It's simply because they lack the interest and that's their problem. Not mine, not the teacher's, but their's.

Welp, as I mentioned I have a Maths exam tomorrow. Not oral, though, thank goodness, that's first by June 17th which is my LAST LAST OH MY GOD LAAAAAAAST exam this year! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Wish me luuuuuck~ I bloody hell need it.

"If every bullet cost $5000, you'd care who you shot."

OMFG. It's the quote for REF/Ancestry/whateverthefuckI'mcallingthefinalrevision.

I say final because I'm now more set on finishing it than perfecting it. Perfecting, I find, is a bastard impossible doom-ridden quest.

( Also, I can't decide which of these is better. )

Surprisingly, the girl replied, albeit a day and a half later.

But would it taste good if I added you on my chicken?

And did you get my post deleted on the konference? If yes, then that just emhpasizes your role as a moral guardian, which btw isn't a bad thing to be!

I replied "sigh" to her first remark because honestly, it's downright ignorant.

Then I wrote to the rest:

No, I don't have such abilities.
Perhaps it was the administrators who also thought your post was disgusting? Are they moral guardians too?

She completely ignored my questions in my other reply, so I'll just ignore her, in my opinion, foolish remark that being a moral guardian "isn't a bad thing to be". That's sure not the way they tried to deliver it as, and I focus on the idea behind the remark rather than the remark itself.
Though, apparently she doesn't know what a moral guardian *is*, especially since I'm liberal - the exact opposite of what a moral guardian is.
I don't give a shit what people think of me, but dammit if they want to express their dislike, they damn well better be able to hold responsibility thereof, otherwise keep your opinion to yourself!
That's not being a moral guardian, that's being decent.

I don't care if people are douchebags - as long as they follow the rules, they can behave whatever they want to in their free time. The school's rules enforces a decent tone, respectable behaviour and no bullying, for example.
I may be more of a rule-humper, I'll gladly admit that, but dammit rules are to be followed, not broken which rather seems to be their ideology instead.

There's a difference between moral and rules. Morals are individual "rules" - a life philosophy if you will - whereas general rules are exactly what they're mentioned as. General. Everybody has to follow them, with no concern for the individual morals particularly due to the likely confrontations when two different morals collide. These rules are to be respected, otherwise GTFO off the place you're at (in this case, the school).
If my expressing of opinion had to be drawn a parallel to anything then that'd be as a rule-humper. I gravely dislike an incorrect accussation which a moral-guardian is. Having the accussation delivered as "You snobbish bitch, lol, we h8 u" really doesn't make me pleased one bit either.

Eh.

Turns out it wasn't cramps yesterday, though Midol helped some. I woke in the middle of the night and barely made it up the stairs to take more, it had gotten so severe again. And I woke up at around 8am and expelled. But it's not over. My stomach, or rather, my intestines, still hurt a lot, and laying down makes it worse. I think it's a bug, because my fiance had the same complaints this morning and today. That also explains the fluish, sour stomach feeling for days beforehand and which is still lingering.

I wanna play videogames but picking them up again is the hardest part after having to take a long break. Because I know that once I do I'll be addicted again. -_-

It's only been two weeks since my last cycle, and I already am again. But the last was shorter and lighter than normal; only lasting one week instead of two. So I'm paying for it this time. Was down and out with stomach pains all day, unable to stand up straight. That's unusual for me, but I knew it was coming. The flu-feeling for days beforehand was an omen of a vicious cycle this time around.

Don't think I mentioned it already, but Social Security gave me the wrong fax number. So I sent my PERSONAL information to a private phone! They had better not penalize me for my paperwork being late!

My parents were fighting earlier, and my dad said something to my mom that sent the past rushing down upon me. Proof that he remembers. He told her in anger, because he knew she wouldn't believe him. to make it sound like self-hatred ramblings. Very unnerving. It feels like I'm reliving it all over again. I want to run and hide.

My sister's friend, the one whose cat has had multiple litters and the one who we got Mew from, have been staying at a hotel because their house caught on fire. They had like fifteen cats and they took them all and DUMPED them on the street near the hotel and left them... many of them were very young kittens. Out of the fifteen or so, only three have found their way back to the house after like three months, and they would have had to cross two really busy streets to get there. Out of the three, one is dying now, poisoned by the neighbor. It's so sad. If we would have known sooner, we would have rescued them. The cats were all orange, all very cute. Anyone would have taken them. But instead the owners left them all to die because they were too irresponsible to fix their cats and to take care of them. Sickening.

I hate sports...but for some reason having sports on the tv in the background helps me think when I am writing :).